I always think about different things whether they are important or just trivial matters but at the same time, I often space out even during the most crucial moments. It is always through writing that I discover what I really think about and what I feel about certain things. And finally, I get to tap a topic that’s been off my mind for so long in spite of its role in my life. The thing is, I have a poor memory. I cannot recall the emotions and thoughts I had during a specific moment. This time, as thoughtless and wasteful as others may see it, I am actually pulling out from something I never really thought about. I cannot remember why I wanted to do it and I cannot remember the hardships I’ve been through, but somehow, I can’t see the meaning to continue and the ‘me’ who’s going to be there forever. I guess it really is when writing unconsciously that your real feelings are mirrored so be it right or wrong, good or bad, rational or irrational, I’ll just rely on this gut feeling and let this be my final call. I’m not saying I’m not gonna regret this though because I think it is highly probable. From now on, I’m gonna live in freedom. And by freedom, I mean not only the freedom to choose but also the freedom from the difficulty to choose. If I rely on my instincts, I think I’ll survive and so be it. Besides, I really don’t want to be stuck in an uncomfortable setting where I always think about each and every move I make. I don’t work hard to have a good life and withstand pain to attain happiness, simply because it’s not worth it. And in this case, I’m letting go of unnecessary things and by unnecessary, I mean things that are troublesome.

Wu-wei Activated